This is a cautionary tale. That means this same thing could happen to you if you have ever parked your car in the city of Philadelphia. The odds of something like this happening to you are greatly increased if you are as, a). stupid, b). unlucky, c). cursed or d). all of the above, as me. This is the beginning of week four of Clark's Car Held Hostage by a Law Nobody Heard of Before. But first a brief recap: Some people flirt with illegal parking tickets; I have had unprotected sex with illegal parking tickets. Over the decades my cars have been booted and towed, drawn and quartered by the Philadelphia Parking Authority so often that I am the only person to ever have a reserved parking space INSIDE the Parking Authority's Impound Lot.
I kid. . . the city's most effective and efficient governmental agency. If my trash was collected as vigilantly as I'm guaranteed of getting a parking ticket within minutes of the meter expiring, I might consider it a wash. But this time I've been hosed big time. After years of irresponsible parking habits (by that I mean failure to pay parking tickets in a prompt and timely manner) and after paying astonishing sums to retrieve my vehicles, I finally learned my lesson about five years ago when I actually had to walk away from a car the PPA had seized because I didn't have the money. I rediscovered SEPTA (slogan: "We're getting there.") because of the PPA (slogan: "We Gottcha!")
In 2004 I bought a previously owned 1991 Cadillac from Hy Lit, my childhood radio idol and good friend before his death, and I avoided tickets by parking legally or paying promptly when I got one. Despite my vigilance I accumulated four unpaid tickets and on June 19 my car was booted while legally parked in front of my house. When I went down to the PPA office on Filbert Street to get a hearing I was told fuhgeddaboudit. I couldn't get a hearing or pay for my current tickets until I paid $3,779.25 from unpaid tickets dating back to 1989 on four different vehicles registered to me. I was told that a change in the law within the last year and a half allows the Parking Authority to hold vehicles until all unpaid fines for any other vehicles in my name are paid, and paid in full, to the collection agency (a Center City law firm) that now owns my debts. And that law firm wants all $3,779.25 right now. I've pulled every string I know, political and legal, and nobody can help. Do you see why this is a cautionary tale? While we weren't looking, the PPA became as powerful as the IRS.
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