I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE who waited until beyond the last minute to do anything about switching my old fashioned TV over to digital. It's not that I didn't believe what they said would happen on Friday would actually happen. I guess I just wanted to know what it felt like to turn on the TV and find nothing on as opposed to, say, the day before, when I turned on the TV and found nothing worth watching. It's kind of a post-Apocalypse feeling, actually. I'm reminded of a Twilight Zone episode featuring Burgess Meridith as the last man on earth who survived a nuclear war by stepping into a bank vault to read on his lunch hour. Rather than despair, Meridith's character was delighted that now he'd have all the time in the world to read books, which he stacks up beside him before accidently breaking his only pair of eyeglasses. Now I flip though the channels and see and hear nothing but the hiss of empty static where once I could see and hear Maury Povich declaring, "Darnell, you are NOT the father." for the 900th time.
They say that cockroaches will be the only survivors of a nuclear winter, so it is only fitting that Channel 7 apparently survived the digital purge. There's Channel 7still loud and clear on my analog TV with its Slim n Lift, AloeCure or AbCircle infomercials and locally produced showbiz talk shows like "Celebrities In The Basement," which is a lot like "Wayne's World" only without the tongue in cheek. Channel 7 always came in louder and clearer than any other station on the non-cable TV I watch in my third floor office at home. Channel 7 was usually good for one of those Carol Burnett or Dean Martin show CD offers, long form commercials which demonstrate how good network TV variety shows were in the golden era of television, back when Ed Ames was throwing tomahawks at some wooden cowboy's crotch on the Johnny Carson show.
When the Great Switchover took place Friday, by that evening the only other channel on my TV still airing its regular programming was Spanish-language Channel 65, Univision or Telemundo. I felt briefly comforted that I may have lost daily access to Jerry Springer and Ellen, but at least I'd have Sabado Gigente and Latin soccer league broadcasts with that Spanish-language Harry Kalas futbol broadcaster dragging out the word "GOOOOOOAAAALLLLL!!!!!!! for 30 seconds or more, but by Saturday Channel 65 had joined all the other channels in the white noise of oblivion. All that's left now are Channel 7 and Channel 3, which tells you 24/7 that your analog TV doesn't work anymore. It makes me feel sad for all those extraterrestrials who have been monitoring our TV broadcasts for decades. Suddenly, poof, no more earth sitcoms. They'll probably think something awful happened. A meteor maybe. Or digital TV.
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