THE FUNNIEST OBSERVATION Andy Rooney ever had during his thousand year reich as a commentator on 60 Minutes was when noted that a guy with a size seven hat size and a size 17 neck size should be able to pull his dress shirt over his head without unbuttoning the top button. I didn't say it was hilarious but it was funny. And that was, like, 25 years ago.
I have been waiting in vain for an equally humorous observation ever since during those on-and-off years when I watch 60 Minutes when it isn't opposite The Simpsons. About a decade or so ago it dawned on me that Andy Rooney isn't supposed to be funny, he isn't supposed to be profound. He's supposed to be some guy raving away at the next barstool, or next to you on an airplane, and you're supposed to be too polite to get up and go to the bathroom.
That Andy Rooney has made a living out of his irascible rants and politically correct prejudices -- "You know what I hate? People who say colored people. People aren't colored by crayons. . ." -- doesn't bother me one lick. Good for him. What bothers me is that Andy Rooney was an old guy when he started doing these pieces for 60 minutes 35 years ago, and he's still old. And now I'm the same age as he was when he started. Which means. . . never mind.
At any rate, Andy has said some dumb, stupid, insipid, indefensible, cliche, kneejerk, wonderful, insightful, patriotic and brave comments over the years, and the ones I don't like I take with a grain of salt. But on Sunday night he crossed a line, and so did 60 Minutes. In an otherwise harmless piece about American cities and what he discovered looking at an Atlas, Rooney said "One of the biggest surprises to me is Pittsburgh. I didn't know it's on an island, like New York City".
Pittsburgh is not on an island, of course, and if it is on an island, it's like the island that Philadelphia is on. Two rivers meet within the city limits. This does not an island make, unless, like Manhattan, those two river surround the city. That Andy Rooney thought Pittsburgh was an island doesn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that CBS and 60 Minutes aired his stunningly inaccurate observation. Remember, kids watch this show. People in Ohio watch this show.
I called the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette after Rooney's island comment Sunday night and spoke to the night city editor Mike Anderson. He had heard about Rooney's Pittsburgh-as-Tahiti reference but in true working-man fashion he replied to my question, "I'm not going to make any money trying to think of what Andy Rooney was trying to say."
So what was he trying to say? And why didn't anyone at 60 Minutes notice? What it tells me is that nobody at 60 Minutes cares what Andy Rooney says anymore, and they don't even care enough to correct the most obvious mistakes because they think, like a crazy uncle, nobody really listens to Andy Rooney anymore.
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